We all receive E-mails which include one-liners which someone wrote or saw some place, and are passing them on. Some of these are new and "original." Many have been around a long time and could be considered classics. Most do not have either a source or an author. Below is a list I received recently. Pick and choose those which fit your personality and character, and add them to your patter. If you want to send me some which you have seen, please do so and I'll pass them on. Send to: email@example.com.
ONE-LINERS FOR YOUR PATTER:
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one, so I'm wearing my garage door opener.
I made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth or something like that.
I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people never liked me anyway so it was a waste of money.
I was thinking the other day that women should put pictures of their missing husbands on beer cans.
Old age is when you still have something on the ball, but are just too tired to bounce it.
I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease called "Dunlap Disease." That's when your chest done lapped into your drawers.
When people come to my house and see a litter box, they always ask, "Oh, you got a cat?" I am tempted to say: "No, it's for company."
On employment applications or doctor's office forms they ask who should be notified in case of an emergency, I am tempted to write, "A good doctor."
Have you ever noticed that the older many people get, the more they read the Bible? I suspect that is because they are cramming for the final. (I just hope God grades on the curve.)
Got some of your own one-liners to share? Send them to me and I'll pass them on: firstname.lastname@example.org